I Hate You Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality

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These contrasting behaviors are due to the central component of the disorganized attachment style being fear within relationships. In truth, the disorganized attachment style is considered to be the most difficult form of insecure attachment to manage – disorganized adults strongly desire love and acceptance but simultaneously fear that those closest to them will hurt them. From the disorganized attachment viewpoint, rejection, disappointment, and hurt in relationships are inevitable – it’s just a matter of “when”. Someone with a disorganized attachment style in relationships might have problems expressing their emotions to their loved ones because they either have difficulty interpreting their feelings or else fear a negative response for doing so. No matter how secure we may be within ourselves and our relationships, we all experience breakups at some point in our lives. Yet, this doesn’t make the heartache any easier – however; our attachment style can determine how we emotionally respond to breakups.

Regardless of whether you’re romantically involved with a disorganized attacher, or if they’re platonic to you but nevertheless important in your life, then the below tips are transferable to most circumstances. Disorganized attachment in marriage plays out in similar ways to the other forms of disorganized relationships. Despite clearly loving their partner enough to marry them, if the disorganized attacher has not processed their maladaptive outlook on themself and the world, they still likely have a negative view of themselves and their spouse. They continue to feel unworthy of love and anticipate that their spouse will hurt them. Despite often confusing actions to the contrary, disorganized attachers want relationships – they want to love and be loved. However, they’re also afraid that their partners will betray their trust, so they struggle to let others “in”.

I don't think it's necessarily about sex. It's about wanting to start the day with some love and affection. Maybe a warm cuddle. I'm not alone in interpreting it that way! For example:

According to Attachment Theory, when a caregiver is sensitive and attuned to their child’s needs during their formative years (the first eighteen months), the child develops a sense of safety and stability. They develop a secure attachment style.

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The following steps may help you support a disorganized attacher in the way they need within a relationship: I. Communicate openly and clearly