Posted 20 hours ago

The Unexpected Joy of Being Single: Locating unattached happiness

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at some point, we all have to learn how to walk into a party or a restaurant alone. Otherwise, we will be willing to walk in with ANYBODY (or worse, walk out with anybody).” Really enjoyed the joyful and positive advice. An honest account of the pros and cons of being a young-ish, single woman in today's society. Many people are under the impression that being single is some unfortunate thing that happens to us, but what if it’s a conscious choice we make? This memoir from a 40-year old single woman will resonate with people of all ages. This is the perfect read for independent women who love their own lives and don’t feel the overwhelming need to couple up.

It’s no secret that most people spend at least a chapter of their lives single. Maybe you’ve recently gone through a rough break-up? Or perhaps are just simply enjoying the independence singledom brings — whatever your situation, there’s a few aspects of single life that are fairly universal. From wondering if you’ll ever meet the right person to embracing a new identity, there’s a million different highs and lows. So, while the ins and outs of everyone’s situation is unique, there are a few inspiring books about being single that everyone should make a point of reading.There are far better-written books on the joys of solitude, how its distinct from loneliness, why increasingly people are embracing solitude and what do we gain from doing so. For starters, I would recommend these: In 2018, the author Catherine Gray published a book about how her search for happiness had led her to take a year off dating. And what did she call it? The Unexpected Joy of Being Single. I don’t know yet, but that is the hallmark of addiction, that flashing neon sign in your brain that blinks and fizzes and demands MORE. That moves further away, every time you inch towards it. That you’re always trying to reach, and never successfully get to. It’s an ever-moving destination.”

This year Tanner released her novel Reader, I Married Me, loosely based on her experiences of sologamy. “It’s an anti-romcom, where the character embraces the power of being on her own,” she says. Although she believes romantic love can bring happiness, Tanner maintains that having a positive relationship with yourself is more important. “It feels like there are more couples who are settling than those who are truly compatible. People could surprise themselves by realising how happy they could be on their own.”Catherine Gray quotes from Alain de Bouton: "Only once singlehood has completely equal prestige with its alternative (coupledom), can we be sure that people can be free in their choices." So what’s going on in your love life?’. An innocent question at a dinner party prompted Aimee Lutkin to finally tell the truth; it was six years since her last relationship, and she suspected it would be better to accept the life she had – a life she liked very much – rather than keep searching. But Lutkin’s answer was met with uproar; surely she couldn’t give up on love? So she threw herself into dating, going on two dates every week.” Sound familiar?

Being a well-researched book, Catherine includes various findings from scientific research to underpin the ideas found in The Unexpected Joy Of Being Single. She explores the three main attachment styles (i.e. the way we connect with others): anxious, secure or avoidant when it comes to forming attachments and how we relate to the important people in our life. Also discussed is HALT (Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired) because if we experience any one through the day, it may be the cause of common negative feelings. How being single is often seen as a ‘waiting existence’. That is, waiting to find ‘the one’ and why it’s now a misguided idea.

When you first meet your partner, they're amazing, everything's fresh and new and wild. But you inevitably ‘hedonically adapt’ to them. Even if you're dating Liam Hemsworth or Mila Kunis. So as long as you know that no matter who you're with that's going to happen, then you can adjust your expectations.” In the Community of Single People, someone just asked if anyone had read Catherine Gray’s book, The Unexpected Joy of Being Single. I reviewed it a few years ago, but since that review is no longer available online, I’m sharing it here. “The Unexpected Joy of Being Single,” by Catherine Gray

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